The Journey to MaddsMess
In 1997 I was born into a family with an abusive parent.
In 2012 I entered into an abusive relationship with a man a few years older than me.
In 2014 I won my trial against my abusive ex.
In 2015 I moved to a new city and went to University.
In 2018 I attempted to take my life.
In 2019 I became homeless.
Today I’m a successful business owner helping individuals change their life like I changed mine.
This is the story of how my life has drastically changed since all those years ago…
Since I can remember, I’ve always felt different, a little anxious in crowds, and extremely sensitive to the people and energies around me. As a kid I always struggled to fit in, despite being friends with all the different “clicks” in school. Even amongst my own friend-group I didn’t feel quite the same. One thing that remained constant, no matter the age, the friend group or the city I lived in, was that I was the person people came to for help, to vent to and get advice from.
Growing up I was never really sure why people always came to me. I just knew the advice I gave always seemed to help, even though I often couldn’t remember what I’d said, or how I even knew the right thing to say (in retrospect, its was just my mediumship). Because of my natural ability to help others, I flirted with different career paths: teacher, lawyer, detective, coffee-shop owner; but none of these options ever sparked me in the way writing, psychology and quantum physics did.
Regardless of the topic of conversation, or who I was speaking with, philosophical questions surrounding the meaning of… well, everything, constantly flooded my mind. I questioned the bigger picture in all situations and experiences, trying to solve the why of every matter. Some might say this was a trauma response regarding the adversities I experienced so early on in life. I argue this opinion.
Despite my early childhood and teen years being quite trauma-filled, my philosophical questioning of the human experience came long before I ever realized I had been through trauma. Naturally, after I realized I had gone through an extensively abusive upbringing, and began to face the emotional repercussions relating to those experiences, I did in fact ask the big old why in respect to them. “Why did these traumas happen to me?”
To my surprise I actually ended up finding answers.
Let me get you up to speed on what went down before those answers came through, so that you can understand my life journey a little better:
Hi, I’m Madds, I’m a professional psychic-medium and spiritual life coach who specializes in Soul Contracts on both the human and Spirit-side. I don’t view my psychic-mediumship as a gift or ability, it’s just who I am, and it’s been a part of me since before I could even muster sentences together (or even consciously recognize that I was in a human body).
My early childhood was filled with a lot of family trauma and psychological and physical abuse. By the time I was six years old I was admitted into therapy for GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and by sixteen this was accompanied by PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and depression, after leaving an abusive romantic relationship.
By seventeen I testified and won my court case against my abusive ex, and a few months later moved out of my parents home and went to university.
Throughout all these experiences in my early life I had many mystical encounters with the divine, including but not limited to my own higher self. I felt called into the study of quantum physics, sacred geometry and numerology, but stuffed it down due to the lack of understanding from those around me. No one around me questioned or experienced these things, and it made me feel very out of place and isolated.
When I was eighteen, part of my Soul’s contract was fulfilled when I met the other half of my Soul. A concept commonly referred to as Twin Flames, when a Soul has experienced Earth Life several times it decides to incarnate both halves of itself (in two separate bodies) to experience a spiritual catalyst that awakens itself (both halves of the Soul) to the divine whilst in human form. This relationship amplifies the conscious connection of the human self to the Soul-self. It wasn’t the first time my Soul had done this here on Earth, but at the time, being psychologically shut-down from trauma, and repressing my spiritual connection, I was unaware of the many higher truths I would come to remember and recognize within my Soul’s experiences.
After the catalyst of meeting my Twin, and the passing of my grandfather in 2017, the Universe had essentially compiled all its efforts to completely shake me awake to my mediumship. It was at this point that my higher self decided she was no longer going to allow me to repress who I was, and the innate connection that I held with the divine. Universal signs like angel numbers, mystical encounters and synchronicities started reappearing in my life. A little nudge from my Soul saying “it’s time to wake up!”
Despite this, I continued to resist. My logical, human mind could not comprehend that I was capable of connecting with the divine in such an extraordinary way. The question that remained was “who was I to be that gifted?”
With my continued resistance, the Universe and my higher self sought out its plan with me and the more I resisted the more depressed and anxious I became. Ultimately, this would lead to me purging all the negative mindsets, habits, cycles and relationships that I needed to clear out of my life for me to go through my awakening.
In that period I was constantly being challenged with current-life, past-life and ancestral karmic clearings that led me (temporarily) to a really dark place. Because of this, I naturally began wondering even more, why the human experience even existed. I was so emotionally drained and depressed I truly questioned why any Soul would want to come here.
I reflected on questions related to why we had to work for a living, why we had to pay for food when we needed it to survive and why being rich was reserved for a very small, specific percentage of people.
Google became my own personal researching ground; with searches like what are souls, why do souls incarnate, and do we plan our life before we incarnate started filling my history. The problem was, google didn’t have the answers, however for the very limited information I did find, something magical began to happen.
When I would read something I would (and still) get these intuitive nudges and informational downloads (which is channeled messages) from my higher self, explaining what was accurate, and even expanding on details regarding what I was researching. I eventually stopped looking for information outside of myself and began looking for it within, through meditation and simply asking my higher self for more information.
The synchronicities that had started popping up in the form of words, expressions, old songs, or new songs in my head, and my favourite - numbers, continued and picked up speed and frequency. The next thing I knew I was becoming more aware of my surroundings, myself, and Universal signs; and I remembered that the conscious energy of the Universe is within us, and I began to see the living Universe unveiling itself before my eyes.
Naturally, this is just when I thought things would start to look up, these synchronicities aligned on my highest timeline which led to me receiving my fifth concussion in May 2019. I had been facing a serious mental health battle and financial scarcity for more than a year at this point and with this injury there was no end in sight (seeing as I would be spending at least one month on bed-rest).
After a month of recovery and a late start to beginning my new job, I felt like an utter disappointment to everyone who knew me. I was still having terrible concussion symptoms, had my work hours cutdown and my finances were building an anxiety in me I couldn’t put to rest. Government resources were scarce and I somehow didn’t seem to qualify for any of it. I hit a point where I was so miserable, and so ashamed of my life circumstances that the old and consistent thought of suicide flooded my mind yet again (after having had an attempt in 2018).
I’ll always remember that 2019 night when I found myself contemplating ending my life yet again – I sat alone in my room quite literally screaming at Spirit asking for a sign. I wanted to know why I chose such a miserable, traumatic and depressing life. I was utterly confused as to why my life seemed so damning, why I could never catch a break, why I was so alone even though there were people around me. One thing I wasn’t confused about, was that I didn’t want to be alive anymore.
This wasn’t the first time I’d contemplated with suicide. I had an attempt in March 2018, ironically when all the purging began… just a year prior in 2017, (almost to the day) I had a suicidal breakdown to the point where I wrote a suicide note. When I think back, suicide had been a theme, a general thought and genuine contemplation in my life as early as eleven. It was never a matter of if, but a matter of when, I would do it.
So at this point, after years of exhaustion, and effortlessly trying to get help, I felt more than ready to call it quits on whatever my incarnation was supposed to be. “Scrap the plan spirit, I’m returning to source early, come hell or high water.” That night, I passed out from crying and smoking more weed than I probably ever have in my whole life.
The last thing I ever expected was for that night to change my life. I didn’t really expect anything to happen at all. I had felt completely alone for so long that I was taking my last bet on Spirit, if they even existed. If not, I had a plan.
I woke up the next day, honestly a little disappointed that my Soul hadn’t been whisked away to the great beyond while I slept. I still didn’t want to be alive, but like I said, I was taking my last bet on Spirit so I figured, a few more days of the misery I’d been living for 21 years wouldn’t be much to bear.
Within a week synchronicities started popping up even more, I also started attracting people who asked the same questions I had about the bigger picture; each of whom came with their own unique perspectives. It wasn’t long until I started realizing all the little feelings I’d had, premonitions of conversations I’d heard happen before they actually did, weren’t really little at all. The Universe had been priming me for alignment since I was a kid, I just hadn’t realized it.
After everything I experienced up until and in 2019, mental illness, homelessness, not having enough money for food: $20 a month-type-poverty, job loss, trauma - you name it - I had finally, and successfully completed my Kundalini Awakening and it was time for me to step into purpose.
I registered my business in January of 2020 and began writing a book of everything I’d learned up until that point and decided to take a leap of faith on providing my services to the public.
Within a few days of promoting tarot card, mediumship and spirit-guide readings on my Instagram stories I went from unemployed, homeless and hungry, to being fully booked for the entire month. This trend continued, and thanks to the fact I was able to live back at home for my transition period, I was able to spend the spring and summer of 2020 building my business.
By the time July rolled around I had job offers in other cities to be the medium in a crystal shop, and my personal clients were asking how they could work with me every week so that they could have support as they went through their own awakenings as well. In August 2020, I was featured on the MIMI podcast, with an incredible role model who would later become one of my greatest clients and friend.
My work evolved from tarot readings to full-on spiritual coaching programs at the request of my clients, and I was able to craft three 12-week programs to help others like me go through their own kundalini awakenings. I built my coaching programs on the exact template that I experienced my awakening through.
I’ve spent all my spare time channeling, meditating and learning about my Soul and why I was called to guide the collective through the Great Awakening, and later came to find that my entire Soul (both halves of it) has spent lifetimes, both on and off the Earth, helping Souls create their Soul Contracts so that they could expand their Souls to the highest dimension of consciousness, both in human form and beyond.
You might be wondering what I learned about the pain I experienced growing up, so I’ll give you the spoilers:
I went through immense trauma growing up, like many mediums and highly evolved spiritual guides do because it is how we are primed to help humanity. How can you help others if you don’t experience every possible pain imaginable on this planet?
Growing up, I had always had a keen feeling that this life on Earth would also (karmically) be my last. Which essentially means that should I (in my Soul self) never want to incarnate on Earth again, I will be karmically-free to make that decision. This means that I’ve had to purge all the past-life karma that remained from my previous Earth lives, so that I could become what is called an Earth Graduate. (You can learn more about this in my masterclass replay on my website).
Through the deepening of my understanding of my own incarnations, I came to remember many of my past life experiences and memories, including two-lifetimes-ago when I committed suicide. I remembered my death from that life, and from my most recent past life, both of which had terrible endings, both of which left me with karma to clear out.
Overall, I chose to come to Earth during the dawn of the great awakening because of my mediumship expertise in Soul Contracts, Soul Amnesia, and Quantum Physics, that grant me the ability to remember my lives on (and off) Earth, and retain all the knowledge my Soul has ever tapped into. To be here once again, and to not offer this knowledge and the guidance that leads others to also experiencing their Soul-self, would be a disservice to humanity.
Thus, MaddsMess, is a business that was created through the story of my life and is centred on helping you through yours.
The way I turned the lessons and mess of my life, into the mass awakening of thousands of people around the world, is not dumb luck or chance — is the divine workings of the Universe and my Soul’s Purpose.
Working with me, you’re guaranteed to tap into your higher self (intuition/Soul), expand beyond your pain and trauma, release your limiting beliefs and create the life of your dreams, just like I and my clients have.
If you’re ready to transform your life, book a free discovery call with me here.
If you’re not ready to dive into working together but want to connect & learn more about all the metaphysical aspects of this human experience you can follow me on instagram and YouTube, or tune into my podcast, The Cosmic Collective. Or checkk out my masterclass Why Are We Human, here.
So, without further ado, Welcome to MaddsMess, I sure hope our services, content and presence here makes your journey on Earth a more enjoyable and soulfully-connected one!
